One night about eight years ago I was delivering pizza and my girlfriend (now my wife) had decided to ride with me that night. The shop I was working at was very busy in those years, there are a few more restaurants competing in the area now.
On this particularly busy night the other driver was a fellow I’ll call Chip. He was an idiot and I’m sure he still is wherever he is now. There was an agreement that when a driver returned from his previous deliveries he gets the next deliveries to go out the door, made perfect sense. It was my turn at going out next and it was a perfect run of five deliveries, all close together, all of them would probably take no more than ten minutes in total to do. The delivery cars were parked in an alley out behind the store. I told Chip that I had to go out the front door of the restaurand and put a letter in the mailbox before it was emptied. I was going to be back within ninety seconds to take those deliveries.
As soon as I was out of the restaurant Chip decided he would steal my perfect run of five deliveries and began to load them into his car. By the time he loaded the first four in I guess the last order he needed had come out of the oven and he had them all in his precious Acura. Chip had a very nice car and felt it was necessary to talk about every waking moment. He also liked to make fun of my fifteen year old Toyota whenever possible.
My girlfriend said she had never seen anybody move so quick as he loaded the pizzas in his car, he was determined that he was going to get out of there with my orders before I got back from the mailbox. He jumped in the car, jammed it into reverse and floored it. In his panic he didn’t notice that the business next door had their back door open. It was a big metal door and it was a narrow alley. The passenger side of his car hit the door, knocked the mirror off and left a five foot gash in the side of his car. He had jumped out of the car and went into some sort of hysterics, kicking the big door shut and then kicking his car and looking at the damage in disbelief.
I was back in the restaurant by this time and cursing upon the discovery that Chip the idiot had stolen my deliveries and then headed toward the alley to give him a piece of my mind. I had missed the incident by just seconds and I could just barely see him driving away. My girlfriend was in the car crying from laughing so hard. She had to wait about a minute to stop laughing so she could tell me what had happened.
I went from being mad to a state of great happiness that something bad happening to that tool. Some people deserve a little payback sometimes. If this same thing had happened to his precious car where he hadn’t been trying to screw me out of deliveries I might have even felt a little bit bad for him, he did love that car.
It stayed very busy that night so it was probably an hour before Chip and I were in the store together at the same time. I didn’t even mention him stealing my deliveries and actually pretended to be concerned about his car. I went out with him to take a look. It was going to take a mirror, some body work and paint to get this car looking good again. It was hard to keep from laughing but I managed to keep a straight face. His story was that somebody opened the door as he backed up and got him. My girlfriend said the door had been open for twenty minutes before he hit it.
The next day before I went to work I went to the hardware store and got some of those sticky letters for putting your name on a mailbox. I put the words “Caution Door May Open at Any Time” on the door in the alley. When Chip came into work that night and noticed the door he was terribly offended for he assumed this was poking fun at him, which it was of course.
He spent that whole shift questioning the staff and even the people that owned the neighboring business that owned the door. It seemed that this being on the door made him more angry than scraping up the car. He never did accuse me of doing it which surprised me because I was always being a smart ass and doing things like that. I’m not sure if he ever figured it out.