How to order a pizza

If I had never worked in a restaurant I would probably have gone my whole life not realizing that people’s brains stop functioning when the time comes to order food.   Here are several examples of actual things that people actually do ask.

1.  How big is a 12 inch pizza

I don’t really know how a person can ask this and believe it or not it is a very common question.  I think that sometimes the person is really trying to ask how many people it will feed but I think that usually the problem is that they are genuinely unintelligent individuals.  Back when I was young and cocky and if having a bad day I would answer by telling the customer that it was 10 inches or maybe 15 inches just to see if they would catch on, often they didn’t notice.

2.  How much is a pizza?

My problem with this very common question is that its not quite specific enough.  I think its comparable to calling up your local Ford dealer and asking “How much is a car”?  How do you give a simple answer to this?  Often times when you try to probe this customer by asking what size of pizza they would like to know about the reply is usually very similar to this  “Oh doesn’t matter what size, I just want to know how much a pizza is”, no further ahead.  I just don’t think that some people realize that a question that is too general can’t really be answered successfully.  It tempts me to reply that a pizza is ten dollars, no matter what size or what is on it,  just to see if they catch on.

3.  What comes on a pizza?

This again is a very common question and again is a little too general.  The obvious answer to them would be that the customer decides what comes on the pizza, that we don’t make it until they order it .  This statement can be followed by informing them of what toppings they have to pick from.  The problem is that seems to be too complicated for a lot of people because after you give them all the necessary information because often they then ask, “Well, which of those toppings come on it”?  This is where I say “Which of those toppings did you want on it”?  This is often followed by them saying that they want the ones that come on it where and it is at this point you realize that they just don’t get it.  I have had the carbon copy of this conversation countless times over the years and it is as frustating now as it was the first time.  I have tried modifying my answers and my questions as to make the process less painful but there are always those who can’t grasp the concept of ordering food.  I’m afraid there will always be people that make you bang the phone against the wall.  In the defence of the people that make me angry every pizza place has a somewhat different menu.  I have heard the identical pizza called the works or all dressed or a combination, these can all mean the same thing so there is room for confusion there.  Many pizza places have a special name for their all meats pizzas or vegetarian pizza and other specialty pizzas.  These also provide the opportunity for confusion and are more likely to cause confusion with an employee who is not familiar with the fact the same term may mean something totally different from city to city or restaurant to restaurant.  Now that I have been fair and provided some defence for the unintelligent customer let me return to making fun of them.  I have often encountered what I call virgin customers, who stand out like a sore thumb.  A person who has never oredered before is dreadfully obvious by the questions that they ask and don’t ask.  They think that you have a whole bunch of pizzas made waiting for them to call and pick one, they seem baffled that you don’t allready know their address, they don’t think that is their responsibility to pick out the toppings and have a very hard time with it.  I answered the phone one time and an old man placed an order and then said he wanted it delivered by taxi.  He told me where he was and then I proceeded to tell him that we had our own delivery cars and that we would be happy to take it out to him.  He was shocked “You have cars there, right there at the pizza place, when did you get those”  I informed him that it had been that way for at least twenty years and he couldn’t believe it.  “I’ve never heard of such a thing, your own delivery cars”  He did get us to deliver his pizza with our very own delivery cars and I’m quite positive he told all his friends and relatives about his discovery.


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